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Saturday, December 18, 2004 

Kaycee's Choice

I was baptized on my 8th birthday. I chose the earliest possible moment I could to become a member of the LDS faith. Upon reflection, this had more to do with my impatience than my faith.

For the most part, I was a good Mormon girl. I didn't cuss, didn't drink caffine, and I tried to read the scriptures every night. I got the necklace with the girl on it proving that I worked hard at being a good Mormon girl. I went to BYU for four and a half years and had a job offer (not in teaching, my chosen field), but I decided to move home so that I could become a teacher.

When I moved home, I met with the stake president and told him that I was worried because so many of my single friends in the area became inactive. So... he made me the Stake Young Single Adult Rep. I held that calling for a little over a year. I was also the Regional Council Secretary.

I put a ton of time and effort into my callings, but I still felt dissatisfied with things, constantly.

Then I met the man to whom I am now engaged. He was not a church member and didn't understand a lot of the things Mormons did and believed in. We had a lot of conversations about this and his side of the story always made more logical sense than mine. Eventually, I lost faith, asked to be released from my callings and broke my mother's heart.

My mom cried a lot when I stopped having faith. Neither my sister nor my brother were active and I was always the "strong" one. (Oddly enough, though, as my faith weakened, my brother's increased and now he has taken the role of the "strong" one.)

My mother told me that I made her sad. My non-member friends were also shocked, amazed, and even dismayed. My member friends... well... I stopped returning their calls after one told me that I made him sad. The thing was that I was happier than I'd been as a member.

When I stopped holding myself up to the impossible standard of perfection that made me miserable, a weight was lifted and I relaxed.

And so, I am agnostic and I have found that there is a great freedom in not knowing. This isn't to say that I live hedonistially, but I do go through life without guilt hanging over my head and eating away at my heart.

Not knowing gives me peace.

Interesting. I like this introduction stage, seeing what stage each of us are at.

Ok, so the days above the author’s names on the sidebar are? Just for show? To look kinda cool? Or is this some mormon deal where you ignore the assigned days of the week and just go all freestyle weird like? Just wondering?

Oh, sorry! Good post.

Fromage... about that... It's just that I'm a loser, and couldn't wait until WEDNESDAY.

Let's just say we're still working out the kinks and that we'll be on a regular posting schedule (i.e. following the days specified) beginning January 2.

I apologize for my retardedness.

Thanks, Girl....WAY good post. Love you TONS!!

Um... just so you know... there is NOTHING about you that makes me sad. I love you LOADS!

Yes we all love Kaycee, to death.

Not ALL of us can be spin cycle... we do what we can with what we have!!

We are not starting until after the new year... this is just a "get to know each other stage."

So, hey Fromage... nice of you to stop in and get to know us.

I'm sad that other people told you they were sad because you were no longer sad. That's sad. Who does these things? Sad people. And by the way, healthy communication guidlines state that people can't MAKE you sad, you can only CHOOSE to be sad... Chew on that you sad friends, you...

he, he, he....Fromage is so funny! I posted my early...I posted it last night!!! But I post dated it...so Fromage can't give me a hard time...hint, hint, hint.

You guys are great...I'm going to link you!!!

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This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

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