I’m Sorry, Baby, But This Is Just Who I Am
This time through was interesting for me because it was coupled with wading through a rather deep depression. Honestly, what better time to read “Catcher in the Rye” then when you can’t pull your ass out of bed because you feel like your soul will break if you do? There is NO better time my friends, none at all. So as I lay in bed this weekend (pretty much the ONLY thing I did this weekend) and finished off the last of a book that has shaped so many I think I finally understood it. There in the dark of my room with only my little bedside lamp giving off light, the essence of this novel finally hit me. At last I understood. I understood what I missed before because of the last two lines in the book.
“Don’t tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.”
Those two lines… those eleven words got me out of bed and into Jilly’s room. “Listen to this!” I said through her open door. I read her the lines. “Isn’t that just… just … AMAZING?” She smiled at me, and then in her all-knowing way said, “Yes. That is amazing. It is amazing because it sounds just like something you would say.” I smiled right back at her because, as is most often the case, Jilly was right. It DID sound just like something I would say. And at long last, I felt like I understood Holden. I understood why so many people gravitated to him. In those two little lines I was finally able to grasp a generation’s obsession with a book I had never given a second thought because I know how he felt. I know what it is like to miss people so much it can drive you crazy, because somehow, in some cosmic way they own a part of you. I know what it is like to let someone know you, really know you, and then have them leave. I know what it is like to wish you had never shared the parts of you that you shared. I know what Holden felt like. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.