The Way You Look Tonight
I was at Kaycee's not too long ago helping work out some kinks with the new digital camera that she bought for her dear sweet fiance (uh huh, sure it's for him). While she was playing with buttons and figuring stuff out she snapped the above picture of me. A couple days later she emailed it to me and pointed out first how cute I was, and secondly how much cleavage I was showing. I think the words, "I've never been prouder of you" were used somewhere.
As I was thinking about this weeks topic, and therefore thinking about how I dress, I'm sad to say there was only one thing I could really focus on: my boobs.
I know this might seem a little strange, and even a little off putting, but honestly, just hear me out on this. I promise to try to make it as comfortable as possible... but let's be honest, we're talking about boobs, more specifically mine. I'm not embarrassed--and you shouldn't be either. I'm just saying.
For as long as I can remember I have had a love/hate relationship with my breasts. When I was first growing them (far before any of my female classmates), I hated them. I hated bras; I hated the whole idea of it. I thought (and really still do think) that they aren't that great, but there is something about them that makes me feel so freaking pretty when they are in the right bra and the right shirt. I'm just gonna come out and say it--I like showing a little cleavage. I'm not doing this for guys to notice me; that's not the point at all. The point is, I like how I look when I am showing "the girls" off a little. Not to the extreme the above picture goes to, but honestly, I'm a big fan of the low cut shirt.
Here's the thing... part of me thinks I shouldn't be a fan of the low cut shirt and my slowly but surely decreasing bust line. There is this part of me that wonders if people think I'm slutty (although, again, I have to admit, sometimes that's totally the look I'm going for) or think that I'm not a "good" Mormon. I worry that people will think I'm a terrible person because of the smallest amount of skin I dare to bare. But to be perfectly honest, most of the time I just don't care. I dress for me and how I feel in an outfit. As many of you know, I had gastric bypass surgery about a year ago. My body has been changing rapidly, and my wardrobe is having a bit of a time keeping up. When I wear something that is oversized, I feel frumpy and ugly. I feel so unsexy. But when I wear clothing that fits me well, that flatters my shape, that enhances what I got and down plays what I do not, I feel amazing - I feel sexy and beautiful. And honestly... I'm just not sure what is so wrong with that.
**Added at 6:30 am **
I just left this comment on Becca's post, and wanted to make sure you all read it, because I have SERIOUSLY strong feelings about this. Please... discuss. ;)
Do I think members judge others based on what they wear? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTLY! I was at a YSA dance over the summer and had on black slacks, a hot pink lacy cami, a black 3/4 length sleeve wrap around blouse over the top, strappy high heel shoes and some dang cool, but very dramatic makeup. I had a girl come up to me and a dear friend of mine, inturrupt our conversation and ASK IF I WAS A MEMBER!!! I looked at her and asked, "Member of what?" to which she cheerfully replied, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." I was shocked. I confirmed that I had indeed been a member for about the last, oh, SIXTEEN YEARS and asked her what made her think otherwise. "Well," she said. "You just don't see many members who dress like you." And honestly... there was not even a HINT of cleavage that night. I just think it is amazing how quickly we are willing to judge other people on the most rediculous of things. I am endowed. Have been for 6 years. I have NEVER once asjusted my garments to fit an outfit. But, you know, most Mormons don't dress like me.