For the sake of having something to write I am going to alter the topic just a bit. “If I never marry what does this mean? If I marry what does this mean?” These questions are difficult because, while I feel comfortable and unconcerned with whether or not I’ll marry due to my “been there, done that” attitude, I watch too many women struggle through these issues. I don’t know if single males go through the same struggles, but I know many women often experience a panicking feeling that they will never marry, that they will never be wives or possibly mothers. I think that almost every woman at one point has felt that if they never marry then they have failed in some way.
Saturday afternoon I received a voice male from one of my closest girlfriends. She was calling me to inform me that her last friend from her group of high school friends had just gotten engaged and while she was happy for her friend she felt a huge pressure, a concern that maybe her day wouldn’t come. My friend is 32, successful, intelligent, an amazing cook and a wonderful friend and human being. These feelings she was having are common. I see them all over blog world, especially among Mormon women. BUT I don’t just see the concerns there, I see them everywhere, among my friends, among my co-workers, in telephone discussions with clients, with the check out girl at the grocery store, with the lady standing behind me in line, the concern is there. The fear of never being married seems to lurk like a dark cloud above too many of our heads.
Why is this? If you are Mormon being sealed (married) to another individual is one of the necessary steps needed to live happily ever after for all of eternity. Seeing that I don’t know enough on the subject I am not going to get too far into “what does it mean if you are Mormon and never get married” aspect --we have all week. But, whether intentional or not these pressures begin for young Mormon women earlier then I believe they do for the average individual. For all women, not just Mormon, the pressure of marriage is everywhere. Besides the pressures of parents who want grandchildren (fortunately mine already have 7) and mothers who want to plan weddings (fortunately mine has already been through 4, 1 of them my own) families are the core of society, we all come from a family, we all know families, we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that a family unit is part of a natural progression of human life, the concept of marriage and family is inescapable.
Seeing that we can’t escape the societal pressure of marriage we must do something to reduce the stress, the pressure for ourselves. I feel fortunate to be 29 and feeling no pressure or desire to get married what so ever right now, but to just feel happiness in every relation I have. Of course how I got to this stage was by being married and then being alone and discovering that being alone is often less lonely then being with someone and feeling alone – a process I don’t recommend, but an experience I wouldn’t ever take back. I suppose I want to warn every person who is feeling alone, especially on this very special hallmark day, to be careful what you wish for. We have no control over our destinies. If you truly believe in the teachings of the LDS church then you know that God will find you a worthy partner in your next life if you don’t find one in this life. I don’t believe in these teachings but I do believe that I would rather be alone and happy then settle for something as a result of pressure. I would rather not focus on something I have no control over and spend my time focusing on the things that I do have control over, such as making myself happy for me, for my family and for my friends.
The questions, “If I never marry what does this mean? If I marry what does this mean?” mean nothing to me. My concern is for me and my life and the life of the ones I love. I need to work at making me whole rather then depending on, waiting on, desiring another to complete me. I will make compromises to be with the person I love, but not until I meet this person and know that they would also make compromises to be with me too, so that we both will be better.
So please, don’t compromise early, don’t settle and don’t let something you have no control over rule your life.
May this Valentines Day be one of love to all the people that are important in your life… not just one for lovers.