It's Your Thing...Do Whatcha Wanna Do...
I never really had to make that many choices growing up. I just did what was expected of me. It’s amazing how little you think about your choices when basically they were made for you. I wasn’t a robot…I was just JP…the girl that did everything she was told. I was, by no means, perfect. I had my faults (Jess…not ONE word) but for the most part I followed the rules with not too many exceptions. YES, I did have the choice of whether or not to do what I was told, it was just never an option NOT TO. That was the way I operated.
During The Big Oops of 1997 I had some very hard decisions to make in my life. I had made a mistake. I had. But because of that beautiful mistake, I was forced into those hard decisions and I didn’t have a clue what to do with them. I had never made a serious, real decision in my life. I had been so caught up with doing what I was told, I guess I never really forced myself to truly choose right from wrong because that choice was always made for me. But there I was. And there was a lot riding on all of those decisions. There were also a lot of people ‘out there’ waiting and expecting certain decisions from me. But that’s not how things happened.
And that’s where the gray area comes in.
I made a choice for my new little family. No one made me make this decision…no one swayed me one way or the other…I made a choice for my family that had such a hard beginning. Did I make the “right” choice according to my religion and “other Mormons”? No, I didn’t. Did I make the “right” decision according to some of my friends and family? No, I didn’t. Did I make the “right” decision for me and my new little family that I loved so much?
Yes. I did.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I have the perfect life because I’m not active in the church. I have hard times just like everyone else. I’m also not going to sit here and tell you that I’ve made the wrong decision. I know in my heart that I did the “right” thing…for me. That’s the beauty of it. Yes, there are commandments, rules, codes of conduct, lists or guidelines…but it all comes down to what is right for you. If you don’t believe in God, it’s a personal (or ethical) decision for you daily. If you do believe in God, it’s having a personal relationship with God and being comfortable with your decisions.
It really is such a challenge and all of us are going to make the wrong decision at one point or another. But it really is our wrong decision to make. You have to decide what your definition of RIGHT is…believe in it…stay true to it…live it.
Live it the best way you know how.