Why I'm Never Wrong
I don’t think it is a lack of signs. The signs are there, I am just not listening. You know the point in relationships where you have known your mate for so long that it is pretty simple to, unintentionally, tune out entire conversations you are supposed to be having with them? This is how I am with signs. The signs are there in front of me, as they appear I smile and nod my head, add an occasional “uh-huh” or an “exactly” but really I’m not listening. I have no idea what the signs are telling me because I am too busy focusing on the mistake I am about to make.
Why is this? Why is it that I can know what is right, but not always do what is right?
For one, it is a fear I have of missing out on something. I am so afraid that life may go on without me that I often make the obvious wrong mistake for fear of not getting to do everything, not getting to live a full life. I realize that I don’t have to do everything and that often times “life is what happens while you’re busy making plans” (oh yes, I did just quote Sex in the City), yet still I try, I try to do everything I can possible fit into my schedule.
A second reason I look “right” choices in the face and make the wrong one is out of complete stubbornness. I don’t want to believe that some of the things I desire are not good for me, possibly bad for me. For example a handsome, successful boy that I have nothing in common with is a wrong choice for a relationship, yet I make the mistake of trying to make it work too often. Deciding to write a blog that could possible take until 3 in the morning, or waiting until the night before book club to start the book when I have a busy work day ahead of me is not the right choice, yet I’ve done it and I know I will again.
Finally, I believe I am invincible, I know I am not, but as you can clearly see from the above excuses, I often believe that I am. I, unlike everyone else, don’t need sleep. I, unlike everyone else, can stay up all night writing and reading, work all day, over time too, and then play every evening. I, unlike everyone else, can date the wrong person and make them right. Of course these wrong choices become evident all of the time and one day I think I am going to learn, every day I think I get a little closer.
Sometimes the question is, how do you know when it is not right? The best way for me to make the right choice is to find the perfect balance between what is in my heart and what is in my head and go with that. Unfortunately, sometimes I confuse my desires for my heart. But when I don’t it is amazing how right my decisions are. When I have made a right choice, even the most difficult right choices of my life, I receive a certain comfort, a feeling inside that makes me know, “This one, Rebecca, was right.”
And so every day I’ll try a little harder to balance my heart and my head and allow it to guide me to be a better me, to a me that not only knows the right choice, but also makes the right choice.