I almost WET MY PLANTS!
I owe it all to these two books:
Up-Date-A Guide to Successful Dating by Dee W. Hadley ("766 Great Date Ideas")
Creative Ways to Ask for a Date by Barbara B. Seegmiller
The ideas for dating contained in these two paperback beauties are ridiculous beyond words. Up-Date lets you take a quiz to determine your datability rating. After I dug this book out of a box, I noticed a piece of paper with a lot of numbers on it, which Sarah immediately identified as a quiz. Turns out she was right... and the score I got made one step above, "You need serious help." But this quiz was horrible. You had to give yourself between 5 and 25 negative points if you had a physical disability, depending on the severity and how it would affect you dating.
Dee W. Hadley... you might be realistic... but you also might be going to hell for that one.
Here are some of my "favorite" ideas of the "766 great date ideas."
#2 "Six people go to a drive-in resturaunt. Don't take a car, but pretend you're in one. Position yourself as if in a car. "Drive" into a parking spot and order. Be very serious. When finished, back up and skid out of the driveway."
#3 "Dress up in pioneer clothes. Take a box lunch a go to visit old trains."
#48 "Wash stop signs."
#68 "Play basketball in formal wear."
#74 "Have a shoe-shining party."
#244 "Gather pinenuts."
#286 "Visit a hog farm."
#310 "Try to catch a greased pig."
#400 "Visit a humane shelter."
#427 "Visit a sewage processing plant."
#440 "Have a smile contest."
#457 "Go through your junk drawer together."
#466 "Help a farmer bed his turkeys or milk his cows."
#573 "Have a miniature dinner on doll dishes (Cornish game hen, little gelatin molds, birthday candles for the centerpiece, little pies).
#609 "Build a grandfather clock from a kit."
#637 "Sew matching shirts."
#760 "Picket your home for higher allowance."
#766 "Prepare your income taxes together."
I know what you're saying... those ideas are G. R. E. A. T. !!!!! But how will I ask them out? Well, I've got some suggestions for you from the pages of Creative Ways...
In case you can't read that, it says, "I was so excited about asking you to the ____ that I almost wet my PLANTS!"
Or how about this one:
"I think it's a bunch of GARBAGE to have to do dumb things like this to ask for a date."
But for all my mockery, I can't claim innocence. I actually used idea # 83 to ask a boy named Cory to Preference (a "girls' choice" homecoming type dance) during my freshman year at BYU. The following shameful diary excerpt was written by me at the age of 18 (even though I sound more like I'm 12).
"I had Brian deliver my Preference invite to him (Cory). It was a block of cheese with a note that read, 'Cory, you might think that this is kind of cheesy, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to Preference -Kaycee'My sophomore year... it happened again... another invitation to Preference gone geeky. Another diary excerpt:
Yeah, it was cool!"
"So they day after the caves, I asked Dave to Preference. Now, at BYU you have to ask creatively. So, I delivered a box of brownies to his house with a note that went like this: 'Dave, Wanna go to Preference? If "YES" eat the brownies and bring back the box. If "NO" eat the box and bring back the brownies. -Kaycee'Nothing I say
Yeah... I thought it was cool, too."
*Thanks go to Sarah's scanner, without which you might have been spared visualization of these things.