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Wednesday, March 16, 2005 

I almost WET MY PLANTS!

Like many other young Mormon girls, I could not wait to date. Once I started dating, I couldn't get enough of it. I was somewhat atypical in that during high school, I dated mostly non-members, but that was mostly because they were the ones who asked me out. This caused me to behave in the most peculiar fashion on dates, a condition which only intensified upon becoming a BYU student.

I owe it all to these two books:
Up-Date-A Guide to Successful Dating by Dee W. Hadley ("766 Great Date Ideas")
update

and
Creative Ways to Ask for a Date by Barbara B. Seegmiller
creativedating1

The ideas for dating contained in these two paperback beauties are ridiculous beyond words. Up-Date lets you take a quiz to determine your datability rating. After I dug this book out of a box, I noticed a piece of paper with a lot of numbers on it, which Sarah immediately identified as a quiz. Turns out she was right... and the score I got made one step above, "You need serious help." But this quiz was horrible. You had to give yourself between 5 and 25 negative points if you had a physical disability, depending on the severity and how it would affect you dating.

Dee W. Hadley... you might be realistic... but you also might be going to hell for that one.

Here are some of my "favorite" ideas of the "766 great date ideas."
#2 "Six people go to a drive-in resturaunt. Don't take a car, but pretend you're in one. Position yourself as if in a car. "Drive" into a parking spot and order. Be very serious. When finished, back up and skid out of the driveway."
#3 "Dress up in pioneer clothes. Take a box lunch a go to visit old trains."
#48 "Wash stop signs."
#68 "Play basketball in formal wear."
#74 "Have a shoe-shining party."
#244 "Gather pinenuts."
#286 "Visit a hog farm."
#310 "Try to catch a greased pig."
#400 "Visit a humane shelter."
#427 "Visit a sewage processing plant."
#440 "Have a smile contest."
#457 "Go through your junk drawer together."
#466 "Help a farmer bed his turkeys or milk his cows."
#573 "Have a miniature dinner on doll dishes (Cornish game hen, little gelatin molds, birthday candles for the centerpiece, little pies).
#609 "Build a grandfather clock from a kit."
#637 "Sew matching shirts."
#760 "Picket your home for higher allowance."
#766 "Prepare your income taxes together."

I know what you're saying... those ideas are G. R. E. A. T. !!!!! But how will I ask them out? Well, I've got some suggestions for you from the pages of Creative Ways...

plantdating

In case you can't read that, it says, "I was so excited about asking you to the ____ that I almost wet my PLANTS!"

Or how about this one:
garbagedate
"I think it's a bunch of GARBAGE to have to do dumb things like this to ask for a date."

But for all my mockery, I can't claim innocence. I actually used idea # 83 to ask a boy named Cory to Preference (a "girls' choice" homecoming type dance) during my freshman year at BYU. The following shameful diary excerpt was written by me at the age of 18 (even though I sound more like I'm 12).
"I had Brian deliver my Preference invite to him (Cory). It was a block of cheese with a note that read, 'Cory, you might think that this is kind of cheesy, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to Preference -Kaycee'

Yeah, it was cool!"
My sophomore year... it happened again... another invitation to Preference gone geeky. Another diary excerpt:
"So they day after the caves, I asked Dave to Preference. Now, at BYU you have to ask creatively. So, I delivered a box of brownies to his house with a note that went like this: 'Dave, Wanna go to Preference? If "YES" eat the brownies and bring back the box. If "NO" eat the box and bring back the brownies. -Kaycee'

Yeah... I thought it was cool, too."
Nothing I say ever again after these admissions is going to matter very much, but I think it's safe to say that Mormon dating is unique and altogether embarrassing.

*Thanks go to Sarah's scanner, without which you might have been spared visualization of these things.

You just crystallized why it is I'm 28, single, and Mormon, and surrounded by a bunch of guys who seemingly have no idea how to work this whole dating thing. I think once they leave BYU (or in my case, the University of Arizona. Oh yes, Mormon dating tactics went on in Tucson as well) they just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe that's why there's the big push to get married in college - because no one has any idea what to do with the opposite sex if you're not planning your most recent response to Preference.

I have always wondered about Kaycee, well having seen some of your early lititure picks, I am starting to understand!

I personally quit dating mormon guys at the age of 15. Of course it could be that I married the guy I started dating at age 15. Seriously, all these creative, um, dates, are a way to get rid of some serious sexual fustration. The more creative you get the more you liked the person. Atleast, that's what I have observed. Or you wanted to get rid of the person by being as bizarre as possible.

I don't know about you... but I've been to a pig farm and that just isn't a place I'd like to "get to know someone better." I'm just saying.

I giggled throught this entire thing...oh, you are SO MUCH FUN, Kaycee!!

My post will pale in comparison tomorrow...shucks.

"I'm so excited about our date! I thought we'd start by organizing my junk drawer, and then we might get a bite to eat before heading over to the sewage processing plant..."

We acttually did that drive through restaraunt thing once, but it was after acting class so it's not as bad as it sounds....

Should I be ashamed to say that I know Barb Seegmiller and her family? Oh well, the book was fun when the whole crazy date thing was big

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This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

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