My daughter, Paige, is seven and in Second grade. From the time she started pre-school I have always felt inferior to the “stay-at-home-moms.” Back then, I wished so badly that I was like them. I wish that my world revolved around my children and that I could set up play dates and spend insane amounts of time on these CRAZY projects that the kids didn’t even care about. (This was the mom’s way of showing off to all the other moms on how fabulous they were. They were just DARING some other mom to top them.) I played (or tried to play) that game up until Paige was in 1st grade. I tried to keep up. I ran myself ragged and probably looked like a moron because I just couldn’t keep up. I was so self conscious about being the “Bad Mom” and wanting to be the “Model Mom” that I took on too much and just made myself crazy.
All of a sudden something clicked. My self conscious tendencies made me feel inferior to these other moms. I LET MYSELF BE SUCKED INTO THE MADNESS. I let myself care what they thought. I allowed myself to worry about whether they thought I was a bad mom or not. When it finally clicked what I was doing, I felt like such an idiot! I worried so much about what these other mothers thought, that I didn’t even stop to think about the one thing in that equation that depicts what kind of mother I am: PAIGE. She is an extremely intelligent child. She’s a sweet and loving little girl. Her teachers have ALL completely adored her because she is so helpful and listens and does what she’s told. She is a G.A.T.E student and always performs above her level. AND I WAS WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THESE HIGH MAINTENANCE, OVER-THE-TOP MOTHERS THOUGHT ABOUT ME!!
As you can see, sometimes we take self conscious a bit too far. Sometimes we let the littlest things get under our skin and we worry, or pass judgment, or just plain drive ourselves insane trying to “compete with the Jones’.” Pushing yourself to do better because of the example that someone else has set is far different then comparing yourself to that person and thinking you’re inferior. You have to be okay in your own skin and make the decision to do better. It can’t work the other way around. I know that I am going to try and not be so self conscious…but I am going to try and be more self aware.
It may be just me, but I see a difference.