From Your Love I Grew Into Complete And Whole
I started dating a young man not very long ago. I haven't really written about him, because in a way, I want to keep him to myself. I don't want to jinx anything. But, the question that was posed this week seems to fit with the events that have transpired in my life as of late. This young man who seemed to fall out of the sky and into my life rather unexpectedly cannot stop telling me how great I am. We spent the weekend talking and learning about each other. We ate good food, visited with my friends and laughed a lot. Each night when we were finished being in the presence of others he would wrap his arms around me and tell me all the things I had done throughout the day that he admired. I was floored at the careful attention he paid to the smallest things. I had thrown him into the fire of my life by having him hang with drunks, lesbians, and molly Mormons all within a 48 hour period of time. With each different group of people he held his own, was kind, smart and funny. Yet, he watched me closely, returned to me each night and reported all the good I had done. I have never been able to see the things he sees in me in myself. I have never been able to feel that I am good enough person, that I am strong enough, that I am anywhere close to the best version of myself. But he is looking where I can't see, and when he finds something beautiful he makes sure to bring it to my attention. I told him last night that this amazed me. He smiled at me and said, "Why is that amazing? You do the same thing for everyone you know and love." I had no idea. I had no idea I could feel the way I do from hearing these kind words, I had no idea I had made anyone feel this way from the things I have said. My heart jumped a little. And then I thought of all the people I love so dearly, the people who have put their hands into my heaped up heart and passed over the bad, looked past the ugly, and found something worth loving, something worth celebrating. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that, for the people who have surrounded me when I needed it most, loved me in spite of me, and showed me things I couldn't see on my own.
My greatest strength is the love I have for others. My greatest weakness is not being able to love myself. I don't think it is any coincidence that the Lord has surrounded me with the most amazing people who I can't help love, and who are helping me turn my weakness inside out, and make it the strength that I need. I am learning who I am. I am being shown every day by friends, family, and a loving Heavenly Father. My weakness is evolving into strength, it is changing from darkness to light, with the help of those I adore I am becoming who I was born to be. I am becoming strong.