Kaycee Lives in Sin and I Upped the Teen Pregnancy Statistic
I was a total prude growing up. Yes, my parents were fairly open about sex but I would say that would be generally speaking. Jess might disagree with me, but when we were kids, the sex talks were pretty basic. But maybe I didn’t ask enough questions. Maybe at that age I just didn’t want to know how I got to this earth. Perhaps it is all my fault that I was such a prude. For me, much of that openness with my parents (really…my mom) came after I had sex. I had been the “good-girl” that listened to my parents and church leaders all my life about waiting until after marriage to have sex. I had plans of marrying a returned missionary, in the temple, at the right time, right place, etc. I set my sights to all the things a “good little Mormon girl should. But sometimes even good little Mormon girls can “get in trouble”, too.
I had sex and got pregnant before I was married. Things happen. Sex happens. Pregnancies happen. I just didn’t think it would ever happen to me. Not like this. I had set my sights on the way things were supposed to be, the plan I had set. I had no clue what I was doing when nothing happened the way I had planned.
I had broken the rule that had been engrained in my brain for YEARS. And I felt like scum. Being someone who had ALWAYS done what I was told, this was a huge blow to me, my family, my friends, and people in the church. Not only did I have so much to deal with between my boyfriend (now husband) and this new baby on the way, I had to deal with the weight of guilt and the weight of my family and friends and ward. It was an immediate transition of me always being the example of “what to do” to “what NOT to do” in no time.
I realize that many of my posts surround that time period. I don’t mean to be redundant, but the story and the lessons I learned (or haven’t learned) seem to fit in many of these topics. This is the time period that shaped my life, for better or for worse. Jess had mentioned in her comment yesterday that I put this guilt on myself. I did. But I can, to this day, see the looks on people’s faces when they found out I was pregnant. I can still hear the words I heard people in the ward say when they thought I couldn’t hear. I can still see my mom and dad and the pain they felt. I can still replay the conversations in my head I had with my friends and family members. I can STILL feel the guilt I felt back then and how that guilt affected my married life and my new family. I can still remember being the very scared young woman that had to be strong for everyone else because that’s what I felt I had to do. I can still feel the tears I felt back then because I’ve had tears streaming down my face writing this post.
It is my opinion that if you want your kids to wait until they’re married to have sex then you have to be ready for constant work with your kids. I feel that sex before marriage is A LOT of responsibility. Some people can handle it. Some can’t. I know that I will teach my daughters that sex is something wonderful but that I really hope they wait until they are married. I will remind them of the responsibility and I will be ready with questions and answers for their questions and answers. I plan to be involved in their lives and try to always keep an open mind. I will always make sure that they have the resources they need to make the best choices that they possibly can.
Well, that's even if Hubby will let them out of the house on a date before they're 30. We'll see...