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Tuesday, April 05, 2005 

Your Body Is A Wonderland

My parents were PAINFULLY open about sex. When I was 13 JP came camping with me and my family. My mom was driving us highway 101 (a winding coastal highway) when she suddenly stopped the truck, pointed to the shoulder of the road and announced, "Sarah, you were conceived right there!" I was in the cab of a truck with my mother and my best friend and it was revealed to my awkward teenage self that my parents had done the nasty ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD and I was the product of that encounter. Apparently, my dad had eaten oysters for the first time and my parents went from a couple who had adopted a child because they couldn't conceive to pregnant. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and apparently He uses shellfish as a tool.

There was also my sophomore year of high school when my mom picked JP, Jaimee and I up from school everyday in our Mocha brown minivan. The three of us were in the sex ed/ drivers ed class and on the particular day I have in mind it was "contraceptive" day in sex ed. My mom was highly interested in what we were learning and questioned us as she drove us through the near empty streets of our little town. When we giggled about condoms and spermicide my mom took this opportunity to share her thoughts on the various types of contraceptives she and my dad had tried over the years. Condoms: she wasn't a fan, too "unnatural". Spermicidal: that was a no go because she could bear the thought of killing the little baby sperms. (I know... I know) So finally they went with the diaphragm. Lube that sucker up, stick it in, and you're good to go. THANKS MOM! That's JUST what my 15 year old friends and I wanted to hear about. We started lying about sex ed class shortly after that and saying we didn't have any questions or concerns with what we were being taught.

Besides my open mother, there were the COUNTLESS talks on chastity I was witness to throughout my Young Women's experience. The point of sexual purity was driven home again and again with talks, quotes, threats and tears. In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do. In my heart I knew sex was (and is) something that is sacred and should be kept between a husband and wife. Does that mean it has been easy to maintain those convictions when I am in the arms of someone whose kisses light my whole body on fire? What about when I'm talking to them on the phone and they say my name while lighting a cigarette? (OH. MY. GOODNESS. THAT is HOT!) HECK NO it's not easy. And the reason is... I love sex. I think it's great, and would really like to get moving on having a lot more of it. But from the experiences I have had in my life, the things that have and have not happened to me, I know WITHOUT DOUBT that I DO NOT want to have a sexual relationship with someone outside the bonds of marriage. There are some things I am emotionally incapable of doing, and honestly, a sex without the commitment of marriage is one of them. And while the talks I had over the years with my parents, family members, friends and boyfriends contributed to this choice, it was a lesson I had to learn on my own. A lesson that, sadly, was partly learned the hard way. But it was the way I had to learn, they were experiences I needed to have to strengthen my convictions and cement my commitment to a commandment the very human part of me would rather not adhere to.

I don't hold everyone to the standards I have for myself. I don't expect that everyone will agree with my view on sexual activity. I think it is a very personal choice. I would never force my views and beliefs on anyone, but I know what works for me. I know that I am happiest when I am living the law of chastity, and that someday I will be blessed with a spouse and he will be very, very lucky ;)

They combined drivers ed with sex ed? No wonder so many kids are having sex in cars!

Nice post...

Well said, C.A.

Well done, Sarah!!!
You know my mom was just as open, and today, at the ripe old age of 30 I say 'peepee' for parts (either gender)instead of using mature vocabulary.

While Sarah and Becca's posts are very different from eachother...they truly go hand in hand. Our experiences in life deeply affect our outlook on morality (morals) and our opinions on the chastity talk.

Sarah has learned by experience that she finds more happiness in living the laws of chastity but can actually talk about sex without blushing. I think that Sarah, Rebecca and the "commenters" have each brought some very thought provoking points to the table. Good posts...

Hum. So interesting. I love sex too. Love it. Poor Sarah.

Anyway, I have a question. I've really been thinking about how to talk to my kids about sex. My olderst (4) is starting to ask some basic questions. My mom never told me anything, and I know I don't want to go that route, but it sounds like Sarah wasn't happy with the exact opposite either.

What would you tell your kids? How much, how freely, in what tone? Is there a right way to do it?

And wondering how our own experiences affect the path we choose.

Lisa, In answer to you question about how I will talk to my kids about sex, I feel I will be open with them. Although the chats of my youth may sound semi-tramatizing, I'm actually really greatful that my mom was as candid about sex as she was. Sex was never a big mystery to me. I knew what the deal was and wasn't grossed out or bothered by it. Like JP said, NOTHING makes me blush. ;)

I feel my mom's frankness about sex was a good way for things to be. But it wasn't just "you were conceived on the side of the road!" my mom made a point of bareing her testimony to my siblings and I of the law of chastity. She, when she deemed appropriate, shared her own youthful blunders and experiances with us. It was helpful! It was good to know my mother was human, that she had similar choices to my own to make at various points in her life. I can't tell you how much I appreciate her honesty. It was a good thing. I hope that I can be helful to my own children. I hope I can share with them my feelings and my testimony of the beauty of being chaste. I will teach them that they have free will, that they have the ability to choose what is right for them, but I will love them no matter what choices they make. I learned that lesson from my mother and I hope I can pass it on to my own kids.

Okay here I feel like JP....where was I with all this openess.. The only thing I truly remember was Mom talking about only being able to be touched for the first time in a certain place (not there either dirty birds..totally above the waist) and it would never be the first time again...well duh. I had her tuned out after that attempt at "the talk" espcially because it came too late for me.

Maybe I wouldn't go so far as to tell my children where they were conceived, but in general, I think it is good to be open about sex. Coming from a background in which my parents were not open, it was refreshing to hear your story. We can still be open about sex while being respectful about it. Why did her open discussions make you feel uncomfortable? Just curious.

Read more about sexual issues in regard to mormonism at: http://the-anonymous-mormon.blogspot.com

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This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

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