As a little kid I hated hated hated church. For a long time I used to sit in primary wishing that some giant mythic bird would swoop down and rip through the roof right above my head. Everyone would run screaming and I could look straight up through the hole, crossbeams and shingles dangling and falling, look right up into the blue blue sky and church would be over for the day! Off the hook! Sometimes sitting in Elder’s Quorum, I still picture the giant talons crashing down through the ceiling.
As a teenager I played the game but had absolutely no interest in the church. Of course, I had to go to church but if I could slip off to the donut barn with one of my partners in crime, I did. I looked forward to my eighteenth birthday when I could walk out of the house and out of the church forever and that's what I did. But that didn't last long. I had an epiphany of sorts, a dash of the prodigal son, repentance conversion mission, temple marriage, callings kids and more callings, temple trips reading pondering praying. I believed everything, hook, line and sinker. Not long ago, in a short period of time, I went from believing a lot to believing just a little, if anything at all.
I come from the Southwest. I was raised in the church, father was a bishop, family home evening every week family prayer every day Book of Mormon every day. Shortly after my epiphany I started reading scripture everyday on my own, usually the Book of Mormon. That was more than twelve years ago and I still do it. Maybe this is a trial of faith and someday my faith will return. Life would be easier then, for sure. Do I have a house built on a rock or a house of cards? I wish I knew. I don’t know that I believe in God anymore. I do believe in the act of reading scripture, in the act of prayer and in the act of living the gospel. Could I do those things and not be Mormon? I don’t know that I want to know. Doing those things has “blessed” me, has brought focus and strength so I guess that’s what I believe.
That’s my story. I thank the VSoM veterans for letting me join the crew. I really appreciate the respect they show for each other and the respect shown by those who comment here. It seems to me that the attitude isn’t concerned so much with proving and convincing but with understanding and learning and that appeals to me. Though I can’t replace Rebecca, I hope I can contribute in a positive way.