It Feels Like Home To Me
At the beginning of this year I had done a fine job of forgetting who I am, who I always have been, who I am meant to be. I had thrown up my hands and given up hope for any kind of future worth having. I was depressed, so much so that getting out of bed was almost impossible. I was unhappy. I was lonely. In short, I was not much fun to be around. So, I slowly began making changes in my life. I started therapy and went back on meds. I began praying again (a habit I had abandoned in my angst), picked up my scriptures and read a little here and there. I started staying for all my church meetings and actually doing my calling. I stopped staying in bed and got back out into the real world. I shut off the computer and the dvd player and opened my door and my heart.
Things didn't magically get better over night. I still struggled, I still hurt, I still wanted to make mistakes. But I put my faith back where it belonged, hoped for the best and just kept going. In all of that going, I happened across not only more amazing people who I now call my dear friends, but I met my husband. The past year of my life has been a test of sorts. Looking back, reading my journals and posts, I see it clearly. I did not pass my test with flying colors as I always hoped I would. I did what I could, probably not the best I could, but it is what I did. Through all of it though, the lesson I learned over a decade ago remains the same...
Behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from Hell; I have beheld his glory and I am encircled eternally in the arms of his love.
2 Nephi 1:15