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Tuesday, September 27, 2005 

Horny Mormons

When my mothers oldest sister was born, the first thing the midwife did was check her head for horns because she knew my grandmother was Mormon. Apparently, a common myth about Mormons was they were born with horns, and removed them in infancy. Needless to say, the midwife was shocked that my aunt was horn free and asked my grandmother if she was a PRACTICING Mormon. My grandmother said she was indeed practicing, and yet ANOTHER Mormon Myth was laid to rest.

My mom grew up in a SMALL town in Nevada and during her adolecence her goal in life was to get into the town newspaper. You think it wouldn't take much, but apparently it did. She and her friends did several INSANE things (I beileve stealing a car or tractor or something was one of their stunts) that did NOT land in the colums of the local newspaper. My favorite attempt that didn't make it was when they painted the highway leading into town. My mother recalled the story of her sister being checked for horns and the ditty some of the local kids sang (Lyrics: You can see by my horns I'm a Mormon/I can tell by your horns you're not a Mormon/But if you join us and be Mormon/ Then you can be horny too.) she painted "Welcome to the Home of the HORNY MORMONS" at the entrance to town. I can honestly tell you that my mother had no idea that "horny" might have meant ANYTHING other than to have horns. I have SO many stories like THAT that I could share. Anyway, the point is, I've seen quite a few new born "Mormon" babies, and they have all been horn free. I would LOVE to know how that rumor got started though.

As for my mom, she finally made it into the paper the summer before her senior year of high school. Her boyfriend was an archiology major and they were hoofing around in the desert one day and found a full skeleton. They took it put it in at the public swimming pool with a beer can full of flowers over it. They never got caught, and she still has the newspaper clipping. THIS is why I fear raising my children in a small town. ;)

Hmmm... maybe we'd like some non-Mormon perspective on this?

Growing up I didn't know a single thing about Mormons except that I always saw commercials on TV for this thing called the Book of Mormon... maybe you've heard of it?... which I had no clue about. And that was about all. I had no Mormon friends, I didn't even know anyone who was Mormon. Until junior high school. And that's when I started learning about all the strict dating rules.

But I still hadn't heard any odd things about Mormons until my junior year of high school, when someone told me Mormons worshipped seagulls. Seagulls? Please, please tell me you guys don't worship seagulls. ;) I've never heard the myth about Mormons having horns, but that's a good one, I like it.

Pretty much the only thing I ever heard about Mormons growing up was, "Yeah, Mormons. I think they could be Christians, but I don't know anything about them." And that was all. But I don't think there's a very large LDS community where I'm from; we've got 2 LDS churches and that's it. Though we're always told to beware door-to-door missionaries from both the LDS and JW churches.

Everything else I learned about Mormons over the years turned out to be true. But I'm very sure that you could go around Alabama and hear lots of crazy myths about Mormons.

Annie- There's no worship of seagulls, but they did come to the rescue once in early Mormon history (ate up some bugs that were destroying the crops in Utah--saving the first settlers from starvation).

When I was at BYU it wasn't a goal to be in the newspaper, but I was in there a few times. Once in "Police Beat" (I was actually sexually harrassed as a Freshman there) and once in a letter to the editor. I keep the clippings. :)

What small town did your mom grow up in? I lived in almost every town in Nevada, no lie. I am a Nevada girl.

I worship seagulls. I get up every morning and OHMMM...to the seagull. I pray to the blessed seagull to give me money and good looks. I wonder if He really cares about me and how He answers all those prayers.

Anybody read Jonathan Livingstone Seagull?

On a serious note, I thought you meant horny like in that other kind of horny. Perhaps you could change it, add a dash, like horn-ey?

Your mom is a crack up...I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Funny, I did know a guy who did have a horn (one, in the middle of his forehead), he was baptist.

The only baptist I knew with a horn though. I think he always wanted to be able to afford the surgery to remove it, but there was always something worth more to him (like the airplane he bought).

Cute post.

Some light on the horn issue for those that are interested:

http://www.moseshand.com/studies/moses.
Horns have always been used as a mystical symbol for spiritual knowledge and power (usually rams horns).

Guess the people that think we have horns are unconciously keyed into the fact that our faith is associated with ancient Hebraism. Not a problem in my book! :-))

Ooops! Here is the complete link:

http://www.moseshand.com/studies/moses.htm

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This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

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