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Thursday, November 03, 2005 

I had friends from school who’s parents were divorced…and there were family members or people at church who had gone through or experienced divorce. But divorce is not something I have a whole lot of experience with. It’s not an easy topic for many and even though in many cases divorce is necessary, I just know it’s not something I ever want to happen to me and my marriage.

My husband and I just celebrated our eighth anniversary on Tuesday. I’m so proud of us, but if you’ve ever read the story of our beginning, you’d see that we didn’t have the easiest of starts and we’ve had some very, very hard times. There could’ve easily been a different ending to the story. The odds were never in our favor.

I haven't really witnessed first hand the prejudice or judgment toward anyone going through a divorce within the Mormon church. However, I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be. I think that if your family unit (divorced, single, married, kids, whatever) falls outside the “normal” realm of what the “typical Mormon family” should be, it is not easy and I would imagine that people going through a divorce would feel the same way. It breaks my heart to see people who are in the most need of love and support from their family, friends and people from church only to find judgment, rejection and even avoidance.

It’s just one more situation that seems to give people the false sense of being better than someone else and the thinking that there must be something wrong with anyone that’s gone through a divorce. What a surprise.

As many of you at VSoM know I've been divorced. It wasn't fun and it wasn't easy. But I have to say that the only person that treated me poorly during my divorce was the person I was divorcing. My family was very strong, loving, supportive and understanding. I never felt judged or thought of as making a mistake.

I know some (not most) people in the Mormon church believe that you should stay together no matter what and that God will show you happiness in the next life. My problem with this is that this discounts the eternal effects staying together has on children living in unhappy marriages. THis teaches them that this is what marriage is.

Like Kaycee said, it isn't always better to stay together.

Bless both of your hearts.

I'm sorry JP got off to such a hard start, and even sorrier that she has not been able to return to the Church after seven years.

Not much to add. I've dealt with a lot of divorce in my time (other people's -- I used to volunteer with the LSC [Legal Services Corporation] to do pro bono work for women who were being abused -- the hubby went to jail, sold time with his wife to pay off in jail debts, then came home and beat on her with a shotgun for a while to get the irritation out of his system sort of divorces for people with nothing).

It can be so very hard for people.

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This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

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