« Home | I Doubt That » | Gumming up the works » | Another Brick in the Wall » | The Mormon Machine: It just doesn't work without g... » | The Children are not the Future » | Some hope and some despair... » | All With Hope, All With Hope » | Hope: Where my faith got lost » | Is There a Reason? » | A loss » 

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 

No Doubt

You know what I find utterly hilarious about doubt? Every single time I doubt something it ends up working out and I end up feeling like a total shlump for doubting in the first place.

My whole life I doubted someone would be foolish and/or desperate enough to marry me. And then The Most Wonderful Man in the World happened across me, thought I was insane, called me back anyway, and then married me! After we got engaged (a mere 15 days after we met - another thing I highly doubted I would ever do) I felt HORRIBLE for all the times I told Heavenly Father that he was mean and uncaring and had utterly abandoned me. I had doubted the things that had been promised to me time and time and time again. I had had numerous blessings tell me that I would meet a wonderful guy who would love me just the way I am and I acutally SCOFFED at these. I rolled my eyes and said to the heavens, "As if someone could actually love ME!" But low and behold, I sit here today a Mrs. of a Mr. who happens to think I'm highly loveable even when I am cranky. And that is more often than I care to admit.

From my first menstration to about two and a half months ago I highly doubted that I would ever be a mother. I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant, and if I did I would loose the baby and that would be unbearable and I would take to my bed and never again have sex because it would be too painful to try again. (Yes, I was known as a drama queen and yes, I was simulaniously doubting that I'd get married and then thinking that even if I did get married I would be barren. I was on pills for this craziness for a while. Things are better now, don't worry.) But yet again, all that doubt and worry waS for not. I got pregnant the first time we tried with that end in mind. That only happens to 3 in 10 women! And yet here I sit, growing a baby and being married and having a life I never dreamed of.

I always doubted I could be happy. But now I know that's not true. I know that being happy is a choice. I can sit and stew in a life of doubt and uncertinty or I can just try to do my best and see what happens. So far, it's been a far superior way of life.

Posted by Sarah

Congratulations Mamma Marinara. That is wonderful news. I hope you aren't totally sick!!!

There is strength in fatalism, isn't there? As Christ said in the Sermon of the Mount:

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."


:) I'm always surprised by the good things, hon, I loved your sentence, "He was mean and uncaring and had utterly abandoned me." That's my point of view, well, I'm better now.

How's it going? Morning sickness?

Post a Comment

This Week's Topic:

  • The Sabbath Day

Various Authors

  • Monday:
    Kaycee opted out of Mormondom 4 years ago. She calls herself agnostic.
  • Tuesday:
    Sarah is not your average Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
  • Wednesday:
    Carrie Ann comes from pioneer stock, and lives in Provo, but is open minded and fair.
  • Thursday:
    Ned Flanders hasn't been to church in a while, but maintains an interest in all things Mormon.
  • Friday:
    John C. is an academic with a sense of humor and a testimony.
  • Saturday:
    JP's not going to church and feeling okay about it.

Various Links

Powered by Blogger
and Blogger Templates